writing reflections big head

I’ve always prided myself on my intellect. I have always been keen of my ability to process complex thoughts and see the world angularly, a slightly tilted (or jilted) perspective. No one has ever had to tell me that I was smart because I knew it.

Besides my mom repeated it to me so much as a kid, I often wonder if this confidence is the result of overzealous conditioning or a true assessment of my mental capacity.

Science has told us that the physical size of one’s brain doesn’t directly correlate to one’s IQ, but I silently thought that my brain was larger than normal, if only expanded by all of the thoughts held in it. So even if it were in my own mind, I knew I had a big brain.

Well, it’s no longer just in my mind; a MRI has confirmed that I indeed have a big brain.

After a never-ending spell of vertigo, my world was literally spinning. Deep waves of nausea rippled through my body, just walking up a flight of stairs made me want to vomit (quite inconvenient living on the third floor).

I was more tired than normal, feeling worn out by even the lightest and most tolerable household chores (so the laundry was not happening).

I was stumbling over my own feet, my arms clipping door frames as I left a room. Yeah, I’ve even bumped into a few walls a little more than I care to admit.

Basically, I’ve had a hangover for the last 12 days without the pleasure of actually being drunk.

During my fifth doctor’s visit in less than a week, my physician informed me that I have “something” about two centimeters long pressing against my cerebellum, the lower part of my brain that affects motor control, and this “something” was causing my brain to swell.

So it’s official, I have a big brain.

What this “something” is, I don’t know. Hopefully a second MRI scheduled tomorrow and a sixth doctor’s appointment on Thursday–this time with a neurologist– will fill in the blank of this “something.”

Though I love a good game of “fill in the blank,” I must admit this game is a little too scary for me to entertain right now; I have abruptly ended conversations that suggest I may have a cyst, mass, shifted bone particles(?), a benign tumor or the other kind…All of this is barely writeable, and utterly unspeakable.

Besides, my brain is already big enough; it simple can’t handle those thoughts.

However, I do find much humor in the reactions of friends and family, who have long said that I am “sick in the head,” have a “big head,” or “think too much.” I now have a medical reason for all of these conditions, thank you very much.

But by far, I am most amused by the “remedies” I have been offered to help with the discomfort of my big brain.

While I have been given explicit physician instructions not to drive, engage in tasks that involve lots of movement (particularly bending, turning, laundry), and most importantly getting lots of rest (watching TV), I still welcome the advice of concerned loved ones.

One friend suggested that the best way to counteract my vertigo is by spinning around in the opposite direction, balancing out this dizzying effect.

Another speculates that my recent lack of alcohol consumption is the culprit, theorizing that my brain needs a certain level of alcohol to maintain a normal size. Prescription: a nice big pitcher of sangria to reduce the swelling.

While the results of my “unofficial” experiment are still pending, I am still reviewing other suggestions. So if you have any “remedies” please e-mail them to me at Chaundra@writingreflections.com.

I can use a good laugh.



P.S. Don’t send any of those “keep your head up” e-mails, the sky is not falling. Besides if I keep looking up, I get even dizzier.

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