“The Greek word for ‘return’ is nostos. Algos means ‘suffering.’ So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return.” – Milan Kundera

If nostalgia is the suffering caused by the yearning for your past to return, then regret is the suffering caused by the yearning for your past to go away.

So what word best describes a benign acknowledgement of your past? A word that is neither a negative association causing you to cast it away, nor a positive association causing you to romanticize a distant moment. Essentially a benign acceptance.

I have read some self-help authors balk at the idea of examining your past. I have read some self-help authors who primarily endorse focusing on your future. More recently, self-help authors stress living in the present.

I am a firm believer in living in the present as much as possible. While it is impossible to do it all the time, we should constantly encourage ourselves to get back to the present. This is where life can truly be lived. And while the present is very important, our greatest source of knowledge is our past and our greatest source of influence is our future.

Some feel that reflection is focusing too much on the non-present, either the past or the future. Well, essentially it is.

Reflection takes place in the present, but it is either about the past or the future; a previous experience or a future experience. What reflection is not:

• Brooding over past experiences, which translates to regret
• Anxious anticipation about future experiences, which translates into worry

Reflection is productive. Simply recounting with a negative overtone is destructive.

Reflection requires critical analysis. Simply recounting is rumination.

Reflection encourages growth. Simply recounting encourages being stuck.

“The core of a man’s spirit comes from new experiences.” – Chris McCandless aka Alexander Supertramp

What happens when a man’s spirit dies? When his spirit is gone, he has no desire to live life fully.

The preference of a solitary life, living vicariously through others, or residing only in your comfort zone is a strong indication that you are not living your life fully.

When a man rests comfortably in a life of complete solitude, rejecting intimate connections based on fear of loss or resentment of past transgressions, he is lacking a crucial element that humans need to flourish: love.

When a woman decides to misplace her unrealized dreams onto another, acting as an overzealous cheerleader, she has effectively lost one crucial element that humans need to propel life forward: passion.

When a man decides to perpetually live in a space where comfort is a constant companion, consistently resisting change or idling within the boundaries of complacency, he is missing one crucial element humans need to grow: freedom.

So what happens when a man’s spirit dies? He ceases to live.